


But There Were Moments

by wilroland



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Gay, M/M, Slow Burn, connor is depressed, evan is anxious, hints at zoe/alana, jared is also gay but nothing really develops, just really fluffy, treebros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilroland/pseuds/wilroland
Summary: Connor and Evan are assigned to do a project together, Connor is a dick but redeems himself





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic on here but the first three chapters of this was originally posted on my tumblr; wilroland  
> I promise this won't be as heavy as other treebros shit but Connor will be Connor so watch out for that :-)  
> Also the first few chapters are short but just wait it out they'll get better i promise

Evan Hansen shuffled into the class as quickly and quietly as he could. He felt his hands start to sweat as the other students filled in the classroom. The one thing Evan appreciated about Mrs.Henry’s AP Environmental Science class is that the desks are separated so that Evan was not required to sit near anyone and doesn’t have to fear someone accidentally touching his sweaty hands.  He tried to keep his head down for as long as possible but when the bell rang he heard voices begin to bicker in the hallway.

“Yeah, well fuck you too!” a voice he was pretty certain he recognized call out from behind the door, “Why don’t you say that to my face, Jake.” The harsh voice made Evan tense, fearing for what may occur next.

To Evan’s surprise, the voice he heard outside came closer to the door and eventually forced the wooden door open.

“Ah, Connor, so nice of you to join us after your daily duel with Jake.” The teacher remarked as she pushed herself up from her desk. Connor released a groan and plopped himself down in the only empty seat left, which was also the seat directly behind Evan. “Okay class, today is the day every student dreads, group project time!” Evan’s grip on his pencil tightens; “but, because I’m not completely evil, I’ll let you pick your partners!” 

The mood in the room lightened; for everyone except Evan. Being a socially awkward loser meant it was difficult to make friends, Evan has about one friend who was not in this class. Thankfully Evan was very okay with the idea of working alone since he had to do it a lot. 

Groups formed around the classroom as the teacher started to run down the guidelines. 

“Alright, is everyone in their groups!” Mrs. Henry beamed before her eyes fell upon Evan, “Evan who are you working with?”

Evan began to try and form words but it all came out a stuttering mess before it could become anything too embarrassing a voice piped in.

“Hey Evan, I was thinking for our pro- oh hey Teach,” Connor spoke in a sickly sweet voice, as he pulled a desk as close as possible to Evan’s.

“C-connor” Evan forced out, “I’m working w-with Connor.” 

Mrs. Henry raised her eyebrow but eventually shrugged and walked off, the plastered smile immediately fell from Connor’s face as he pulled out a piece of paper. 

“Text me about the project later,” Connor said handing Evan the paper, and just like that the tall boy disappeared, even though they were only twenty minutes into class. 

 

* * *

  
  


That night Evan found himself sitting on his bed, eyes fixed on his phone and hands sweaty. Connor didn’t have his number so he had to text first, which was something Evan was not familiar with.

_ Hey _

Too calm, he wouldn’t know who Evan was and would ignore him, or maybe he would think Evan was trying to engage a friendship with the intimidating boy, Evan deleted his message.

_ Hey it’s evan from your AP Environmental Class, _

_ You gave me your number and told me to text you _

_ So here i am hahaha _

Too uncomfortable and forced, also wordy, too many words. 

After a few more attempts Evan had finally perfected a text;

_EvHan: Hi_ _  it’s evan, u gave me ur number _

Evan pressed send and tried to calm himself down, but for the next two hours, Evan stared at the blank iMessage app waiting for Connor. It wasn’t only till Evan saw the three animated dots appear at the bottom of the screen that he locked his phone in a panic. He felt his phone buzz in his hand. He took a deep breath and looked down;

  **CCMurph: Okay**

_EvHan:_ _ So, do you have any ideas _

Almost a second later Connor replied, but not with words. But with a gif of Kermit flailing his limbs, Evan was dumbfounded, how was he supposed to answer that, what did it even mean. 

_ EvHan: ? _

**CCMurph: What you don’t memes?**

_EvHan:_ What!? _ I never said that I just don’t k _ _ now what that means _

A few moments pass without an answer

  _EvHan:_ _ ….I was thinking trees _

Connor responded with a man Evan did not recognize giving a thumbs up.

This was weird, Evan had never expected Connor to try to be...funny? He always knew him as the school druggie who would probably try to shoot up the school one day. Evan shook his head and began his research. 

* * *

 

“So you have to work with Connor?” Jared pushed out between laughs

“I d-don’t see why it’s f-funny?” 

“Because he’s a freak!”

“He’s really not, h-he’s k-kinda funny” Evan muttered under his breath.

Jared shrugged before ditching Evan for a bigger group of people.

“Wow, he’s a dick.” Another voice hovered over Evan’s shoulder causing him to jump a little

Connor towered over him giving a weak smile that made Evan feel like he was going to vomit. “Why do you put up with him?” Before Evan could answer Connor was gone, and Evan was standing alone in the hallway, red faced and sweaty hands. 


	2. Chapter 2

Connor and Evan hadn’t really interacted much outside of Evan begging Connor to text him about the project and Connor replying with a meme every time. Evan was usually slow to anger, clearly with his friendship with Jared, but the fact that Connor was starting to really push him to his edge.

The project was due in a few days and they hadn’t accomplished anything. After the seventh spongebob meme, Evan has had enough;

_EvHan: Hey, I get ur trying to be funny or whatever but u need to stop being a jerk and talk to me about this project cause i need to get a good grade in this class! So please tell me what parts you are gonna do._

Evan didn’t feel like his message was that harsh but he still felt a pang of guilt sitting in his stomach.

A day passed and Connor had yet to respond to Evan. Evan felt like a mess, he didn’t know why he cared so much about possibly hurting Connor’s feelings. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t even seen Connor in class, or maybe it was the fact that their project was due in two days and Evan was too busy freaking out about Connor to even think about trees.

_EvHan: Connor im sorry please answer me_

_EvHan: In my defense, you were being kind of annoying_

_EvHan: I’m sorry plz forgive me_

Evan soon realized that spam texting Connor wasn’t going to work and gave up.

On the day the project was due, Evan woke up in a panic. He had no idea what to do, it was way too big of a project to just quickly bullshit in the library before class. Evan decided he was just going to have to face the music and go to school.

“Have a nice day sweetie!” His mother hummed cheerfully, little did she know that today was probably going to be one of the worse days of his high school career.  

* * *

 

“Hey man, why are you freaking!?” Jared asked Evan who was biting his nails.

“I didn’t f-finish my project”

“The one you were supposed to do with emo?”

“With C-Connor, yes, he would only send me m-memes and I got really mad and s-sent him a message and then he disappeared,” Evan didn’t know what to do, he started to think about just telling Mrs. Henry that working with Connor was just a mistake, but that would probably just make Evan feel worse. Jared told Evan we would be right back as he disappeared into a classroom.

“Hey Evan,” Connor’s voice pulled Evan out of his head, “Um, I hope I did this project to your satisfaction, I mean I know I really pissed you off so I felt bad and...yeah” Connor rambled before pushing a poster and an essay into Evan’s hands.

He couldn’t believe it, for a second all his worries washed away as he looked down at one of the nicest posters he’s ever seen.

“Okay...I’ll see you in class.” Connor finished quickly before Evan could even grasp what was happening Connor was scurrying off to class.

_EVHan: That was really nice, thank you_

**CCMurph: Don’t mention it**

_EVHan: Why did you do it?_

**CCMurph: IDK**

**CCMurph:I saw that it was stressing you and i just wanted to help**

**CCMurph: I was annoying with the memes I’m sorry.**

 

“Evan Hansen! Are you texting the school shooter?” Jared shouted way too loud and snatching the phone out of his hand, “I thought I saw you talking to him out here but wow, you two are just throwing a full out homo-fest huh?”

“J-Jared give me my phone back and I’m not g-gay” Evan tried to sound forceful but Jared just laughed in his face.

“Oh my sweet little acorn you are just so innocent, good thing this project is over so you can continue you avoiding him.” Evan didn’t feel like fighting anymore so he just nodded his head and silently walked to class.

 

* * *

 

When science rolled around Evan felt more anxious than normal. He knew he’d have to talk to Connor, he was about to see a side of Connor he kept very hidden behind his edgy persona.

He took a deep breath and allowed himself to step into the classroom. To Evan’s surprise, Connor has already pulled his desk next to Evan’s normal seat and we looking down at his phone. Evan stood in the doorway eyes boring into the top of Connor’s head, he supposed Connor could feel him staring cause his head shot up.

The boy sitting gave Evan a small smile before realizing he was smiling and returned to his cool, cold demeanor.

“Hey C-Connor,” Evan stuttered feeling a strange twist in his stomach.

“Can I sign your cast?”

“W-What?”

“No one has, and I thought maybe it’d be nice if we could both pretend we have friends.” Connor turned his head to stare at Evan, who was a blubbering mess, but eventually just nodded his head and stuck his arm near Connor.

While Connor grabbed his arm and began scribbling, Evan looked around the classroom praying no one would notice the two lamest kids in school bonding.

“There, done,” Evan was shocked when he looked down at his broken arm,

_C O N N O R_

The person the name belonged to didn’t even mention the fact of the size of his name, he just capped his pen and turned to face the board as the bell rang.

 

* * *

 

“Wow, great work on your projects everyone!” Mrs. Henry praised all the students while they left the class, “especially you, Evan, I can tell you really put a lot of work into your poster.”

“Oh ac-” Evan attempted to correct the woman but was cut off by his partner,

“Yup, Evan is probably the brightest student in this school, I barely did anything,” Connor released a light laugh and pushed past Evan into the hall.

Evan was still a little shocked by all the events that had occurred in the past 5 hours that he walked to his final class in a daze. Unfortunately, Jared was there sitting right next to him to pull him out of his own mind.

“So, you and green bean are friends now? You’re finally replacing me after almost 10 years of friendship, Evan, my heart is broken!” Jared gasped dramatically.

“Wh- no I’m n-not replacing you! Besides the project is over now I doubt C-Connor will even want to talk to m-me,” the idea of not having even slight interactions with Connor anymore upset him. Jared must have been able to pick up Evan’s emotions and dropped the conversation.

Jared was an asshole, but for whatever reason, he always had a soft spot for the boy he called an acorn. It wasn’t a gay soft spot, no way, Jared, cool man, Kleinman was as straight as it could get, even if sometimes when Evan sleeps over his house he imagines spooning him, those are just bro feelings for sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Evan and Jared went home together that day after school. Evan’s mom was working the night shift at the hospital and had afternoon classes, which left Evan alone way more than he’d like. Jared had offered to spend the night and leave whenever his mom got home the next day. But, only if they didn’t see each other any other time over the weekend, he claimed he had ‘plans with girls’ which Evan didn’t believe for a second.

Sometime around 11 Evan’s phone buzzed.

“Is Heidi making sure we aren’t fucking on her new couches?” Jared asked without looking away from his video game. Evan rolled his eyes and released a small gasp when he saw the message he received;

**CCMurph: Hey**

It was Connor, Evan couldn’t believe it. No, he was probably only texting him for homework or something. That’s what he thought until he received another text;

**CCMurph: Wyd**

Evan’s hands shook as he typed back;

_EvHan: Just hanging with jared haha_

Not even a second later;

**CCMurph: Oh cool**

_EvHan: What’re you doing?_

**CCMurph: Sitting, being an angsty teen**

_EvHan: Ur good at that_

**CCMurph: What’s that supposed to mean?**

Evan cursed himself for his text;

_EvHan: Nono, i didn’t mean anything r_ _ude, it’s just you act like ur t_ _oo cool for school sometimes_

**CCMurph: Oh, I guess**

Evan groaned for probably making Connor hate him.

“Why are you making so much noise, dude?” Jared said finally looking over at Evan, “Who’re you texting?”

“N-No one!”

“If it was no one why are you blushing?” Evan hadn’t even noticed how hot his face had gotten.

“I-I really don’t know what you’re talking about, J-Jared.” Jared rolled his eyes and snatched my phone out of my hand.

“Connor, huh?” Jared laughed before standing up and walking into the kitchen.

“Please, don’t t-text him something. I’ve already made him m-mad at me!” Evan begged but he knew it was no use.

Evan could hear Jared giggling to himself before he finally walked back over to the couch.

“What did you do?” Evan asked his only friend before looking at his phone.

“Hey Evan, I’m not always an asshole! It really upsets me that you think so little of me.” Jared said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Evan raised an eyebrow and opened the Imessage app.

_EvHan: Wanna come over?_

“Jared! Why did you send him that? It’s also almost midnight why would he want to come over?” Evan was now standing on the couch outraged, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Connor, it just would have been nice to get a heads up or something.

“What, I’m just helping you make friends! And trust me emos never sleep” Jared said with a small smile glued to his face.

“Jared, you hate C-Connor! How are you going to hang out with him?” Evan wasn’t stuttering due to his anger but trust me he was nervous.

“I can handle it, maybe he isn’t so bad.” Before Evan could protest more his phone buzzed;

**CCMurph: Uh, sure, what’s ur address?**

“oh god oh god what do I do!” Evan pleaded

“Just send him your address!” Evan wishes Jared would understand it wasn't that easy. Forgetting his better judgments Evan took a deep breath and sent his address to Connor.

For the next ten minutes, Evan and Jared sat by the window and waited.

“Do you think he’ll actually come?” Evan anxiously asked Jared.

“At this point, bud, I have no idea what to expect from Mr. School Shooter,” Jared said blankly staring out the window.

“Could you be nice to him when he’s here. This was your idea anyway.” Jared just huffed in response and Evan deflated himself, did he even want Connor in his house? Him and Connor weren’t really friends? They had worked together once, but Connor blew Evan away when he had did the whole project himself. He did not expect that from the kid he had known as the mysterious stoner from the back of the class.

Sometime while Evan was in his own head a small car had pulled into his drive.

“Showtime,” Jared smirked.

“I was being serious, be nice, Connor is nice.”

“Sure, sure,” Jared stood up from his crouched position and walked to the door.

Evan’s hands began sweating as Jared opened the front door to Evan’s house.

“Connor! So great to see you buddy, please come in.” Jared said in a sickly sweet voice that made Evan cringe at this whole situation.

Connor exited his car making the lights blink as he locked it and then slowly walked into the house. He gave Jared an annoyed looked but just shrugged him off. He looked tired and Evan immediately felt guilty for making him come over this late at night.

“Hey Evan,” Connor smiled as he shut the door behind him. Evan gave a tiny smile and wave back as he stood on the other side of the room. Jared began gabbing away with Connor  and pulled him to sit on the couch.

Evan found himself still standing a few feet behind the couch, watching his best friend annoy his possible new friend.

“Evan, sit down!” Jared beckoned him, “Con Con and I were just about to pick a movie to watch.”

“Don’t call me Con Con, what the fuck.” Connor looked disgusted and shifted away from Jared a few inches more. “What movie do you want to watch, Evan.” Connor had asked once Evan finally situated himself on the couch in the space Connor had made between himself and Jared.

 

Evan spouted the first movie that came from his mind and it seemed to satisfy to two other boys, eventually, everyone fell into a comfortable silence.

* * *

 

It seemed like everyone was really into the movie due to the complete silence that had fallen over the room, except for the occasional giggle from Jared. Evan was so absorbed into the movie that he almost didn’t feel his phone buzz in his front pocket.

Once he retrieved the phone from his pocket, after he had to awkwardly lean onto Jared to be able to reach it, he pried his eyes away from the TV to read the message that he assumed would be from his mother.

He was wrong.

**CCMurph: hey**

**CCMurph: u enjoying the movie?**

**CCMurph: if you are i shouldn’t be texting you, sorry haha**

Evan smiled lightly and avoided looking over to his right to meet the texting boy.

_EvHan: it’s a good movie_

_EvHan: are u not enjoying it! I’m sure we could get Jared to change it if you wanted, he seems like he’s about to fall asleep any minute now._

**CCMurph: No, it’s fine**

**CCMurph: It’s just….**

**CCMurph: I thought if i came over I’d be able to talk to you**

**CCMurph: that’s creepy i’m sorry just forget i said anything and go back to watching the movie.**

But Evan couldn’t, not now anyway. Connor made Evan’s face flush in one sentence and he did not know what it meant. Evan leaned to his left and looked over at a fast asleep Jared, who was releasing light hums and a bit of drool started to hang from his mouth. Evan took a deep breath before typing out.

_EvHan: follow me_

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan bond, and Heidi is an embarrassing mom

Everything in Evan’s head was screaming at him to not text Connor and just finish the movie. But there was something that Evan liked about Connor. Everyone had this image of the boy in his head that Evan started to suspect wasn’t true.

Evan and Connor both arose from the couch, careful not to wake Jared up. Evan then tip toed to his back door that was connected to his kitchen and lead Connor onto the small deck in his backyard that Evan’s dad built before he left.

“Um, s-sorry of the chairs are w-wet, it must b-be m-moring d-dew or something.” Evan’s stutter suddenly became so much worse in these short few seconds.

“It’s fine,” Connor released a small laugh as he dried up some droplets off of a blue chair with his sleeve before sitting.

Evan does the same and sits in the seat next to the quiet boy. They sat there for a while just watching the night sky change into the early morning sky. When Evan worked up the courage to look at Connor he found Connor smiling into the abyss of dawn. Evan tried to form words but it just came out as a strangled yelp.

“Oh, I’m sorry did you say something?” Connor asked. Evan felt so weird, why was he so captivated by the boy in front of him. 

Evan felt his stomach tighten when Connor’s eyes met him and Evan realized how alive he was at the moment. “Evan?”

“Oh, uh, n-no sorry,” Evan spluttered. Connor just shrugged and looked away.

“How’d you break your arm?” The dreaded questions, it wiped Evan’s brain with all previous Connor thoughts and filled with his cast.

“I f-fell out of a t-tree,” Evan mumbled staring down at Connor’s name on his arm.

“Oh, was it an accident?” Connor still had not turned to look at Evan.

“Y-yea, I was working at the s-state park and I always liked climbing the t-trees, one d-day I got climbed too h-high and the branch b-broke,” Evan lied through his teeth but hoped that Connor didn’t catch him.

After Connor gave a quiet response they both fell silent, just enjoy each other's company and the rising sun.

“You can ask me a question now,” Connor huffed.

“O-oh o-okay,” Evan took a second to think, he really only had one question fluttering through his mind and he decided that now was the best and only time to ask, “Uh w-why did you c-come over?”

“You asked,” Connor faced Evan looking confused.

“B-but you don’t like J-Jared and you k-knew he was here?” Evan wasn’t sure why it had sounded like a question but his hands started fidgeting and he looked away from Connor’s gaze.

“Yea, and I know that he was the one who texted me,” Connor laughed as Evan let out a small gasp, “I knew there was no way that anxious little Evan Hansen would be asking big ol’ scary stoner Connor Murphy over for a _sleepover._ ”

“I d-don’t think you’re s-scary! But you’re r-right it was J-Jared, I’m g-glad you did c-come though.”

“So am I. I was already out anyway. My parents were being so annoying so I took a little late night drive. I also may have been high when I decided.” Connor shrugged. Evan was shocked.

“You’re h-high?” Evan knew Connor smoked obviously but he never expected him to be normal while high.

“Not anymore, unfortunately, I was already on my come down when I got here, at this point, it’s pretty much all out of my system. You ever smoke?” Connor already knew the answer to his question but he decided to amuse himself.

“N-No never!” Evan shot out in disbelief, his mother would kill him if she even thought he had smoked, “how could you have been high, you were so n-normal.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t hit me as bad anymore and it was only one joint. And hey if you ever wanna smoke, Ev call me.”

Ev, Ev, Ev, Ev, Evan’s head was buzzing, he couldn’t breathe, but not in a panic attack type of way, in a his face is redder than a tomato and his heart feels like it’s going to fall out type of way. Before Evan couldn’t even make a thought Jared came busting through the door.

“Hey, you homo's just left me asleep on the couch while you have fun! Uncool.” He whined as he sat in the chair next to Connor.

“You snooze you lose.” Connor mocked.

Everyone laughed and an hour later they were all asleep on their chairs.

* * *

 

When Evan woke up he was alone outside and had an ache in his neck. He stretched out his limbs and stood up. He entered his house and was surprised when it was silent, but to his pleasure, there was a plate of pancakes on the kitchen table. He was about to grab one when heard his mom and friends laughing upstairs. Oh god. He climbed up his stairs as quickly as his feet could carry him. The laughter was coming from his closed bedroom door. 

“Mom!” Evan yelped as practically kicked open the door. Knowing his mother he had expected the worse and was shocked to find her sitting on his bed with a photo album in her hands and his two friends peering over here shoulder. 

“Oh, good morning, honey!” She gave a warm smile, “I was just showing your new friend,” she gestured to Connor, “your baby photos.”

“Yea, I’ve already seen them.” Jared stifled a laugh and put a light hand on Heidi’s shoulder.

“Mom, please stop,” Evan rushed into his room and began trying to pull the book from his mother, but it was no use when Connor put a hand on Evan’s arm and made him turn into a noodle. 

“Evan, this picture is too good,” Connor smiled showing Evan a picture of a toddler Evan naked with cake all over his body. He felt as if he could die at this moment. As if God could hear Evan begging for the sweet release of death Heidi’s phone rang.

“Oh, I’m sorry guys I gotta go into work, but I’ll leave the album her-” Evan cut her off.

“No way,” He snatched it out of her hand and put it away in his closet. 

“Aw come on Ev, you ruin all the fun.” Connor jutted out his bottom lip and there was that nickname again. Jared looked confused but shrugged it off as Heidi began her goodbyes,

“I’ll be home for dinner sweetie,” she placed a kiss on Evan’s forehead, “it was nice seeing you Jared, tell your mother I said hello,” she placed a kiss on his forehead, “It was lovely to meet you, Connor!” To everyone’s surprise she embraced the new boy and quietly said, “it’s so nice seeing Evan make new friends.” As they were hugging Connor and Evan made eye contact. Evan mouthed a small ‘I’m sorry’ and Connor replied with a smile. 

Heidi eventually left the room leaving Evan with his friends. 

“Sorry homies but this man’s gotta go to, got some hot lady friends to appease.”  Jared stood from the bed and gave small finger guns. 

“Jared, I’ve k-known you for 15 years, e-every Saturday you visit your grandma.” Evan called Jared on his bluff. 

“H-Hey, she’s got friends,” Jared blushed before pushing himself out of the room.

And then there was two.

“I’ve probably gotta go soon too. Zoe’s been blowing up my phone all night, I never told anyone where I was going.” Evan felt guilty for distressing the Murphy’s and Connor must have picked that up and put a hand on his arm, “Hey, it’s okay I do it a lot.”

Evan gave a small smile and escorted Connor out of his room. When they got downstairs Connor picked up a bag Evan didn’t realize he had brought. He also snuck another pancake when Evan wasn’t looking. 

“I like your mom,” Connor said and the two stood in the doorway, “she’s just like you.”

“Y-Yea, I love her. She’s always b-busy though.” Evan felt his face flush and looked away from Connor, “and extremely embarrassing.”

“Hey, don’t worry, you were a cute baby.” Connor let out a loud laugh. 

Both boys were standing close without realizing, and looking at each other. It was weird but nice. Evan’s hands were drenched and he bet Connor could hear his heartbeat. 

“Um, alright, I’ll text you, Evan, bye.” Connor quickly left the house and started his car, leaving Evan alone in his empty house with a smile on his face.

He had a friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: wilroland


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is worried and makes himself sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know connor seems very :-) rn but just wait I gotta make Evan like him, don't worry Imma get to angst eventually

Evan spent the rest of the weekend overthinking. Why was the sketchiest kid in school being so nice to him? There was absolutely nothing Connor could gain from befriending Evan, it just didn’t make sense.

He hadn’t even really left his room until Sunday, he finally decided to trek downstairs. When he got into his kitchen he was surprised to see his mother sitting at the table, looking down at her phone.

“Oh, hey Ev!” She looked up from her phone smiling, but Evan couldn’t focus due to the fact she had just called him Ev. And all of a sudden his mind was flushed with Connor, “I didn’t even know you were up there, sweetie, I thought you would have been out with Jared or your new friend, Connor, right?”

“Uh, yea, C-Connor. No I’ve been here. I haven’t felt good.” Evan said putting a hand on his stomach. This wasn’t a complete lie, Evan’s stomach had started buzzing in the past 10 minutes.

“Go up _to_ your room and I’ll bring up some soup.” Heidi persisted, shoving Evan out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. Evan mumbled a thanks as he dragged himself upstairs and flopped onto his bed.

He felt awful, all he could think about was Connor. He wishes he could just get him out of his head but he couldn’t. As if he could read his thoughts, Evan gets a text.

**CCMurph: hey**

Evan felt his hands begin to shake as he typed;

_EvHan: hi!_

**CCMurph: I had fun the other night, remind me to thank jared for inviting me ;-)**

**CCMurph: but anyway, wyd?**

_EvHan: haha_

_EvHan: I’m sitting in my room, i think I’m sick :-(_

Evan believed the emoticons make things less awkward.

**CCMurph: shit man! Do you think it’s cause we slept outside Friday night?**

_EvHan: I’m sure not, it’s probably just random_

**CCMurph: well that really sucks**

**CCMurph: i g2g**

**CCMurph: feel better, hopefully I’ll see you in school tomorrow :-)**

Evan sent back a small response and locked his phone. He laid on his back facing the ceiling. He felt awful, the pain in his stomach has now traveled to his head and all his limbs. A small groan of pain releases his lips as his mother walks cheerfully through the door with a tray in her hands.

“Evan, you look awful!” She immediately puts the tray down on Evan’s desk and rushes over to her son, placing the back of her hand on his forehead. “You’re burning up,” Evan suddenly felt a wisp of cold hit him and his whole body shivered. Heidi lifted the heavy blankets on his bed and forced him under. He happily obliged and allowed the sickness to overtake him. Heidi sat on the foot of his bed and spoon fed him the soup. It didn’t make him feel any better but he appreciated being nurtured by his mom.

She was hesitant to leave him and offered to call out of her shift but Evan began to feel smothered and insisted she left. “I won’t be home till late tomorrow afternoon probably. If you wake up and still don’t feel good, call me and I’ll call the school.” She said softly as she closed the door. Evan could barely hear her but he knew he wasn’t gonna feel better.

He tried to stay awake and watch Netflix on his phone but as the minutes passed the worse he felt and eventually he allowed himself to sleep into the abyss of sleep.

* * *

 

A few hours later he was pulled out of his death like sleep by his alarm. He groaned and silenced it. His head was still pounding and he was even colder, just the idea of getting out of bed made him queasy. Evan hadn’t missed a day of school since 8th grade when he passed out from stress about a test. So, he was reluctant to send his mom a text, but after moments of contemplating he finally did and then fell back asleep.

Sadly, this sleep didn’t last when an hour later his phone began buzzing.

**ThecoolestJARED: where are you?**

**ThecoolestJARED: you better not have left me?! What am I gonna do during lunch, eat with Connor? HA**

**ThecoolestJARED: speaking of the devil**

**ThecoolestJARED: he just came over here yelling at me, for you not being here**

**TheecoolestJARED: something about getting you sick???**

While Jared was blowing up Evan’s phone, so was Connor.

**CCMurph: hey you feeling better?**

**CCMurph: guess not :-(**

**CCMurph: god i hate jared, imy**

Evan’s heart was pounding just as hard as his head now, Connor missed him. He wish he didn’t get sick so he could sit with Connor in lunch and laugh with him instead of getting ignored by Jared.

_EvHan: yea, not doing too well_

_EvHan: tell Jared I’m sick_

It took all of his energy just to send those two texts.

**CCMurph: i will**

**CCMurph: if you’re not here i’m leaving**

**CCMurph: need anything from the store i’ll drop it off at your house**

_EvHan: you can’t leave! School hasn’t even started yet_

**CCMurph: too bad I’m already gone**

**CCMurph: I’ll just get you random goodies**

Evan’s face flushed, why did he care so much. So what if the school ‘bad boy’ was buying you goodies cause you’re sick. That’s a total normal, heterosexual thing to do.

**ThecoolestJARED: Connor just told me you’re sick**

**ThecoolestJARED: i mean i assumed you were but he confirmed it**

**ThecoolestJARED: sorry Evan, i’ll see you when you feel better**

Evan smiled at Jared finally trying to be nice.

**CCMurph: k i’m on my way over**

Just then Evan remembered, he’s home alone, the front door is locked and there’s no chance he could get up to unlock it. There was no way for Connor to get in his house. Which was a blessing in disguise, due to the fact that he looked so gross. He couldn’t breathe out of his nose so his lips were chapped, he was three shades paler, and he probably smelled awful from all the sweating.

_EvHan: uh, my mom’s at work and my front door is locked, there’s no way you can get in_

_EvHan: I feel too gross to get up sorry_

_EvHan: I’m sorry_

**CCMurph: could you open your bedroom window?**

Evan grunted in confusion and looked to the window that was right next to his bed. He almost shit himself when he saw Connor’s face staring into his bedroom.

It took a second but Evan finally made his way out of his bed and pulled the window up allowing Connor to enter.

“Thanks, now get back in bed.” Connor shut the window behind himself as Evan dug his way back into the warmth. “You look horrendous.”

“T-Thanks.”

“No no, not all the time, oh my god, j-just because you’re sick.” Connor’s face flushed and he let out a small laugh. If Evan had felt better he would have suspected something but he just shrugged it off and tried to sit up. “Nope,” Connor said as he shoved the weak boy down with no problem and grabbed the Walgreens bag he had lugged through the window with him.”Um, okay,” he rummaged through the bag, “ I got you a coke,” he slammed it on the bedside table, “it’s supposed to help your stomach or something. I got you an airplane neck pillow thing,” he placed it on Evan’s blanket covered legs, “so you can sit up but still be comfortable. I got some NyQuil,” he puts it next to the coke, “and, um, this is kind of dumb.” Connor’s eyes flicker up to Evan who looks like he’s trying to listen but is on a different planet. “You have to promise me when you feel better you won’t make fun of me.”

“I promise.” Evan let out quietly with a small smile.

Connor stuffed his hand into the bag without looking a pulled out a small, brown, squirrel plushie. “Just something to keep you company.” He said as he placed it by Evan’s arms. He immediately reached to push it against his chest. Thank god he was sick or he’d be screaming.

“C-Can you put the pillow around m-my neck?” Evan asked trying to sit up with the squirrel still in his hand.

Connor picked the pillow up and helped Evan lean against the wall before placing it around his neck. “Perfect,” Connor smiled putting a hand on Evan’s shoulder.

Evan’s eyes shot open, oh no, as if he had never been sick he was hit with a burst of energy and shot out of the bed. Pushing past Connor and almost kicking down his own bedroom door, he just made it to the bathroom as he vomited.

Evan was so embarrassed, he could not believe he was vomiting in front of Connor. Was he even still here? If Evan was him he would have left by now. Just as he thought this he felt a warm hand on his back moving in small circular movements.

“I’ll go get you a water,” he said as he left Evan alone with his insides.

When Connor returned he had a bottle of water and the bottle of NyQuil. Evan had flushed the contents of his stomach and was just leaning against the wall staring at the ceiling.

“You all done?” Connor asked crouching down and handing me the bottle of water and the small cup of already poured medicine. Evan nodded, taking a swig of the blue liquid and Connor pulled on his hand to help him up. As the two walked back down the hall Evan couldn’t help but notice the hand that stayed on the small of his back the entire time.

Once Evan and Connor got back to his room, Evan fell into his bed and rolled away from Connor to stare at the wall.

“Um, okay, you’ll fall asleep soon so I’ll just leave.” As Connor went to open the window a gentle hand gripped his wrist stopping him.

“P-Please stay incase I h-have to puke a-again.” Evan felt pathetic for begging but he knew he needed help.

“Of course!” Connor sounded shocked but sincere, “Pass a pillow,” Evan follow his request and allowed Connor to slid down Evan’s bedroom wall and pull out his phone. “Sleep now.”

Evan smiled, Jared would never do this. His insides may be rebelling against him but for the first time in 24 hours he felt warm.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: wilroland


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared isn't a massive dick, just a minor one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying hard to make the stutter real (?) i guess by making him stutter over key words, like names or places he may be anxious going to?? I hope people have noticed because I put a lot of effort into thinking about where to put my stutters

_“Hands, hands, hands, hands, they were grabbing him and touching him. Make them stop, Connor, help me, why aren’t you doing anything. Help me please, Connor.”_

* * *

 

Evan shot out of his bed and was met face to face with his mother, who greeted him with a smile on her face.

“Good morning sweetie! Feeling any better?” She spoke in a hushed voice as if someone else was sleeping. Evan was confused until he looked around his room and his eyes fell upon a sleeping Connor, hugging the pillow Evan had loaned him and headphones in his ear. He looked peaceful while asleep. “I just got home from work, I see Connor was taking care of you.” She motioned to the NyQuil bottle on his table.

“Uh, y-yea, what time is it?” Evan asked sitting up.

“About 11:30, he should probably go home right?”

“I’ll wake h-him up. I feel a lot better.” The puking probably helped.

“That’s great sweetie, but I still think you should stay home tomorrow, fevers really take a lot out of you.” Evan smiled and nodded as she left the room. A few moments after she was gone, he swung his feet over his bed and stood up. He felt a bit dizzy at first and it took him a few steps to gain balance, but for the most part he felt fine.

“Connor,” Evan whispered, lightly shaking his friend. Sleeping Connor just huffed and shifted away from Evan. “Connor, come on, you gotta g-get up,” Evan reached up and pulled the white cord out of Connor’s ear allowing the loud music to leak out. He gave the sleeping boy another light shake and Connor finally started to rumble.

“Fuck you Zoe, I’m not going to school today,” Connor mumbled keeping his eyes closed.

“Uh, I’m not Z-Zoe, but I think you s-should got to s-school today,” Evan was smiling at how Connor forgot where he was and how scared he looked when he finally open his eyes.

“Oh hey Evan,” Connor smiled that smile that made Evan feel like he was going to throw up all over again, “you feeling any better?” He asked as he pushed himself up till he was towering over Evan.

“Yea actually but my m-mom says I can’t go to school t-tomorrow.”

“Neither will I then,” Evan had really appreciated that Connor stayed with him during the worst phase of his sickness, but now that he felt well enough to move around, he didn’t need Connor anymore.

“You should C-Connor. T-Thank you for h-helping me, really, but I’m f-fine now.” Evan smiled at the boy who had moved to sit on his bed and picked up the plush squirrel he had purchased.

“I’ll just skip and go smoke or something,” he said not tearing his eyes away from the plushie.

“C-Connor, you really n-need to go if you w-want to go to c-college,” Connor scoffed, but Evan spoke before he could protest, “I k-know you’re a ‘bad b-boy’ now or whatever, but y-you’re gonna r-regret it.”

Connor looked up at Evan with an offended look, then a smirk coated his face.

“You don’t know me Ev, I don’t think about my future.” He said looking away.

“B-But you should! D-Don’t you w-want to do something with your l-life.” Why was Evan fighting him? Why couldn’t he just shrug Connors lack of enthusiasm off and go back to bed?

Evan knew why, he just didn’t want to admit it to himself. Evan cared about Connor and didn’t want him to waste away to nothing besides a homeless stoner, who sucks dick for weed. He wanted Connor to live a happy life.

“No, I don’t,” Connor stood up from the bed, placing the plushie on the pillow, “Cause there’s no reason to.” Evan was confused but didn’t say anything. Connor walked over to Evan keeping some space between them. “I’m going to go home, see you when I see you.” His voice sounded cold as he picked up his bag and jacket and fled the room.

What had Evan just done.

* * *

 

Evan’s phone was silent while his friends (all two of them, if Connor was still his friend) were supposed to be at school. His mind was buzzing with nerves about Connor and if he hated him, but he just could not get his fingers to text him. Every time he picked up his phone it was like someone had burned him and he threw his phone down. He also had found himself drifting off to sleep with Connor’s present in his hand. 

Around 2 o’clock his dreaded phone finally buzzed.

**ThecoolestJARED: hey, you still dying?**

Just happy that someone was talking to him he immediately answered.

_ EvHan: nope, I’ll be back in school tomorrow _

**ThecoolestJARED: good because im standing outside your front door**

What was with his friends just showing up at his house without permission?

**ThecoolestJARED: let me in**

Evan was still in his pj’s but he really didn’t care about his appearance around Jared, he would probably make fun of him no matter what he was wearing. He quickly shuffled down the stairs with a blanket around him and let Jared in. 

“Hey bud! Thought I’d never see you again.” Jared joked.

“Did C-Connor go to school today?” The question that was driving Evan crazy all day, he needed to know the answer and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask the boy himself.

“Wow, I’ve been at your house for,” Jared looked down at his wrist to look at his watch, even though he didn’t have one, “less than five minutes and you’re already asking me about school shooter huh?” Jared smirked. Evan just ignored him and begged for him to answer the question, “Yea, I saw him before classes started and I’m pretty sure I saw him getting into his car at the end of the day with his sister.”

Evan felt relieved, Connor had actually listened to what he said.

“Why do you care?” Jared cocked his eyebrow as he moved into the house and fell onto the couch. 

“I think we got into a f-fight?”

“Wow, trouble in paradise, huh? How’d you guys fight if you’ve been sick?”   
“He c-came over and took care of m-me?” Jared felt a twinge of pain in his heart, he knew he wasn’t always the best friend to Evan, but he knew he was his only one. Now with Connor in the picture he had to face maybe losing one of his only friends as well.

“Oh w-wow, he, uh, fuck you to make you feel better?” Jared knew it was a mean joke but he was jealous and the only way he knew how to hide his insecurities was through jokes.

“N-No! He was just being n-nice and I was m-mean, I g-guess.” Evan still wasn’t really sure he knew what happened he just knew Connor didn’t care about his future. The idea of Connor being mad at him made tears prick in his eyes. Jared hopped up from the couch and walked over to Evan who was still standing by the door. 

“Wow wow dude calm down, I’m sure he’s not mad! Just text him, apologize for whatever happened and it’ll be fine. Maybe the emo will even open up to you.” Jared patted his back, “This is what happens when you fall in love with an angst lord.” Evan went silent.

“J-Jared, I t-think I l-li,” his voice disappeared. He couldn’t say it, he wanted to say it, but the fear of Jared finding him disgusting stood in the back of his mind, “IreallythinkIlikeConnorbutI’mnotgaycauseI’veneverfeltthiswaybeforeaboutanyone,” Evan vomited the words as quickly as he could as if he just pulled off the band-aid. 

“Yea, I assumed. I don’t care, buddy, you know I love you no matter what.” Jared gave a sincere smile and patted Evan’s back. 

It finally felt like Evan could breathe now that he had gotten it out. Then he realized what he had just said, how could he  _ like _ Connor? He had known him for like a week tops and he the school shooter. Oh my god. But Connor was beautiful, his eyes, and his bony hands, every physical aspect of Connor made Evan weak. He may have had some flaws in his personality, but so did everyone. Connor was so nice to Evan, he brought him things when he was sick, patted his back while vomiting, and slept on the floor. No wonder Evan liked him, Connor was perfect to him. 

“Just text him, please, I don’t like when you’re being weird and gay,” and with that Jared walked back to the couch and flipped on a movie. Evan eventually joined him and pulled out his phone.

His plan was to text Connor and apologize, but he already had a text on his phone.

**CCMurph: hi**

**CCMurph: I’m high**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be angst, angst, angst  
> tumblr: wilroland


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is trying and Evan let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide mention

_ EvHan: why are you high? _

**CCMurph: why not?**

**CCMurph: I’m feeling a lil emo, that’s why**

**CCMurph: sorry I left you**

**CCMurph: I’m sure I panicked you**

_ EvHan: no it’s alright I over push my boundaries _

_ EvHan: I’m sorry _

_ EvHan: are you home? _

Evan didn’t know where Connor went to smoke. He hoped he didn’t do it at home, his bed room would probably reek. 

**CCMurph: lol no my family would kill me if i did**

**CCMurph: I’m at the park, I drove here so I have to wait for my high to die before I can go home**

**CCMurph: If I go home**

_ EvHan: wym if? _

**CCMurph: don’t worry**

**CCMurph: I feel good tho**

**CCMurph: tingley**

_ EvHan: I’ll come pick you up if you need _

Evan took a courageous breath and hoped he wouldn’t regret what he typed;

_ EvHan: actually you know what i’m coming anyway _

**CCMurph: don’t I’m fine**

_ EvHan: too bad _

“J-Jared, I’m leaving,” Evan demanded as he stood up from the couch, grabbing his jacket off of the coat rack.

“Going after Connor?” Jared laughed.

“Yes.” Evan said unblinking.

“Oh, oh, then go!” Jared stood up pushing him out the door. 

Evan could drive, did he enjoy driving? No way. His car, which was his mom’s old one that she had paid off a year ago, just sat in front of their mail box and collected dust, but Evan was just going to have to deal to help his friend. He sat behind the wheel and took a deep breath, it was later in the day so hopefully, there wouldn’t be a lot of cars out on the road. Holding no fear in his mind he stepped on the gas zooming off down the street. Every time a car would pass him he would suck in air and pray he was driving alright. Thankfully the park was only a neighborhood over. He pulled into the parking lot as the last of the sun fell behind the horizon. 

As Evan walked up the swings he asked himself how he had gotten here. Connor probably does this all the time he could handle himself, but for some reason, Evan had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He looked around the playground and saw no children or parents, there was no one here besides a group of teens probably around his age sharing one cigarette, wow, cool guys. He had no idea where Connor could be. 

_ EvHan: where are you, I’m here _

**CCMurph: ik i see you**

Evan looked around a few times before he finally felt the rocks that had been getting thrown at his feet from a nearby tree. Evan turned to see a boy peering behind the tree when their eyes met the boy, Connor, quickly shot back behind the tree as if he had just been caught. Evan quickly walked to the other side of the tree, the closer he got the more he could smell weed. Connor was slumped in front of the tree with his black hoodie hanging over his eyes and a joint sitting between his fingers. 

“Hey Ev,” he said looking up and taking a drag. “How are you?” he blew out a puff of smoke. Evan slides down the side of the tree so their shoulders were touching. 

“T-The question should be, h-how are you?” 

“I’m,” Connor took a moment to reply, “high.” He giggled. Evan didn’t really find this situation funny but everything was probably funny to Connor at the moment.

“I wanted to a-apologize. Your f-future really isn’t any of my business and I’m s-sorry I upset you.” Connor stayed quiet, putting the joint between his lips so he could tie his hair up. “You’re my only friend, C-Connor, and I was just w-worried about you, b-but I know you can h-handle yourself.” 

“What about Jared?” Connor broke his silence.

“Huh?”

“You said I’m your only friend, what about Jared?” Connor shifted to look towards Evan who was still staring off at the dark sky.

“Oh,” Evan let out a sad laugh, “he doesn’t really l-like me, he only u-uses me so his mom will pay his c-car insurance. You’re my only r-real friend.”

“I think he has a crush on you.” Connor said flatly, “ I catch him giving you these eyes sometimes and I don’t know, I can spot a gay crush when I see one.” Connor will never admit it but Jared’s possible crush made Connor unbelievably jealous. Jared and Evan had been friends since diapers and Connor could never know Evan like that.

“Are you gay?” Evan wanted to throw himself off a bridge as soon as the question left his lips.

“Can’t you tell,” Connor laughed, “I’ve hooked up with a few guys in my day but I have never been in a real relationship. And probably never will be.”

“I t-think I’m b-bi?” Evan mumbled hoping Connor wouldn’t hear. 

“Cool, being gay is great, I’m happy to welcome you to the community,” Connor said in a bitter tone putting out the joint on the tree, Evan watched the ashes fall to the ground. “I’m sorry I got really dramatic with you, I did go to school today, it was awful.” He pushed a hand through his hair. Evan knew he went but didn’t want to cut his friend off. “I, uh, I have depression, I guess, my parents won’t take me to a professional but the guidance counselors in school, who I have been forced to talk to, deducted that. I don’t receive the proper medication and it’s rough you know. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed and I feel the world would be better without me. I’m sorry this is a lot I know but, you’re my only friend too and I’m trying really hard to let you in and I don’t know, trust you, I guess.”

“I-I w-would be really really really upset if y-you, uh, you know.” Evan turned to look at Connor who was already looking at him. Due to the topic at hand Evan subconsciously grabbed his cast and traced Connor’s name.

“When are you getting that cast off?”

“I let go,” Evan blurted, “wow o-okay that’s n-not what you asked, uh, I have an appointment in a w-week.” Evan couldn’t believe he had just told Connor, maybe he didn’t hear, maybe he would just forget. 

“What did you just say?” He sounded mad. His posture had changed completely, he was sitting up and leaning towards Evan more. 

“I have a-anxiety, and o-one day I d-didn’t f-feel brain good. E-Everyone was mad at m-me for o-one r-reason or another, and I was volunteering at the state p-park. I c-climbed a t-tall t-tree, I didn't plan on j-jumping I swear, I w-was just s-sitting, then I felt the b-branch buckle, and got the i-idea. I m-might have been k-knocked out for 10 m-mintues, but I l-laid on t-the ground, c-crying for an h-hour,” Evan let out a sad laugh, “I t-told everyone I f-fell trying to s-save a cat, might as well make myself a hero. B-but yea.” Evan quickly wiped the tears from his face, but as his hand was moving across his face he was pulled into a tight hug and his arm was crushed across his chest. 

“That’s awful, Ev. It’s so weird, I have never had a regard for my life, you know, b-but you make me feel so sad. I d-don’t know where I w-would be if you were gone.” Connor pulled away with a look of concern, “Actually I do,” he boosted himself onto his knees and reached deep into the middle pocket of his sweatshirt, to Evan’s complete shock and horror Connor pulled out a pill bottle. It was full, but it was still a pill bottle, “take it please.” Connor forced it into his hands, “I stole them from my aunt, who’s a bitch, throw them out, please. I’ve had them for a month, each week I come here planning to, you know, but I don’t because I’m a pussy. I can’t get rid of them.”

Evan’s eyes were blurry with tears, he never really saw Connor struggle like this and it broke his heart. Evan took the pill bottle and stood up, walking over to the little creek that ran through the back of the park. He twisted off the bottle cap and apologized to Connor’s grandmother as he dumped the contents into the creek. He looked back at Connor who was still sat by the tree rubbing his eyes. Evan pocketed the bottle (cause he wasn’t about to litter) and walked back to his friend. 

“I hope I don’t regret that when I’m sober.” Connor laughed.

“D-Do you w-want to go h-home?”

“Yea, I really do.” Connor smiled. Evan offered his hand to help Connor up, but once he was on his feet Connor kept a tight grip on the blushing boys hand the entire time they walked to the car, only letting go to get in. 

Connor mumbled directions along the way but for the most part, the ride was silent. When Evan pulled up to Connor’s house he looked to his right to be greeted by a smiling boy. 

“I’ll see you in school tomorrow, Ev.” Connor reached down and squeezed Evan’s resting hand before getting out of the car and running up to his front door. 

Evan really liked Connor, depression and all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this won't be the end of the angst, but the rest will probably be gay angst which is nice  
> tumblr: wilroland


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> platonic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: gay slur  
> so I really enjoy Please Like Me and I know that it gets to be a bit of a bummer towards the end but I'm drawing inspiration from Josh's and Arnold's early relationship so like watch the link below to be in on it.

watch [this](https://youtu.be/4kvBGhiCHvw)

* * *

 

Evan had returned to school and life was alright for a bit. He had grown closer to Connor and even Jared was starting to warm up to the boy. On weekends Connor would pick Evan up and take him to places he usually hung out at alone. While Connor would be laughing and enjoying himself, Evan would be catching small glances at the boy he was falling harder for everyday.

One day Evan was waiting for Connor by his locker like every day but the bell rang before the boy could show up. Evan shrugged it off and predicted that Connor woke up late, Evan imagined him pulling into the school parking lot in a hurry as Evan sat in his first block class.

Three hours passed before Evan found himself in his biology class with an empty seat next to him.

_EvHan: where r u?_

Evan’s heart felt heavy, Connor hadn’t missed a day of school in two weeks.

_To Jared;_

_EvHan: have u seen Connor?_

**ThecoolestJARED: no? Do you have the math hw?**

_EvHan: What about Zoe?_

Evan never really talked to Zoe, but he assumed maybe there was a death in the family or one of their parents were sick. He was just trying to think of positive reasons for Connor’s absence. Not that mourning a family member is considered positive, but it’s better than emo reasons.

**ThecoolestJARED: yea, I have first block with her, she seemed normal?**

**ThecoolestJARED: ik ur panicking but Connor used to skip all the time maybe he’s just resorting back to his old ways.**

Evan shrugged hopping he was right and went back to notes.

He tried not to worry and allow himself to believe that Connor was just being an edgelord and was just getting high somewhere, but when lunch rolled around he couldn’t take it anymore. He did something no one would ever suspect. Before he went to his usual table to meet Jared, Evan found his feet almost gliding over to the table where two girls sat. They spoke in hushed voices and their faces were rather close, as if sharing secrets, they only looked up when the girl Evan had recognized as Alana Beck noticed him.

“Uh, h-hi,” Evan stuttered, Zoe was no where as intimidating as her brother, she actually came off as quite nice, but in Evan’s eyes, everyone was terrifying.

“I know you, you’re Connor’s friend,” Evan perked up, “he’s been talking about you.” Zoe smiled at Evan and then glanced back at Alana who seemed confused nonetheless.

“When did you start talking to Connor?” Alana said in a low voice just to Zoe, but Evan was still able to hear.

“He hasn’t been as bad actually, until, uh, nevermind. What did you need, Evan?” Zoe shook her head and allowed her eyes to meet the sweating boys again.

“C-Connor isn’t here t-today, I just wanted to make s-sure he’s okay, he hasn’t answered my t-texts either?” His unsteady voice made his throat burn as if he was crying.

“Oh yea, you can sit down if you want,” Evan sat on the bench next to Zoe, “anyway, our dad, he isn’t the nicest, but what dad really is? They just got into a really bad fight last night, I think he took Connor’s phone and his laptop. He’s fine though, it used to happen all the time, but he’s been really happy since you’ve guys been friends. He’s getting better but, he’s a project Evan, and I don’t know how much he’s told you but, uh, don’t give up on him please. He really likes you,” Zoe’s eyes had drifted away from Evan while she talked about her father but had shifted back towards the end, as if she was begging Evan to continue being her brothers friend.

“T-Thanks for telling me,” Evan flung his backpack over his knee and quickly pulled out a notebook and a pen, he scribbled a message on a blank piece of paper before ripping it out and folding it multiple times. “C-Can you give him this, please.” He shoved the paper into Zoe’s handa and ran off as soon as she agreed.

“Were you just talking to Zoe Murphy? Dude she’s so hot!” Jared asked as soon as Evan sat down. He was surprised at himself for actually talking to Connor’s sister, she was totally different from Connor in every way, but while talking to her Evan found some similarities in the way they talked. They both used their hands and their eyes to speak, Zoe was gorgeous, that was a known fact but Evan just found Connor more enticing. In a perfect, straight world, Evan would fall in love with Zoe and Connor would be the best man at their wedding, but Evan couldn’t. He liked Connor and that feeling wasn’t going to fade anytime soon.

“I was asking about Connor.”

“Of course you were. Is everything alright?” Jared’s voice did express concern which pleased Evan.

“S-She said, yea, but I don’t know. Something happened with his D-Dad, he got his p-phone taken away. I gave Z-Zoe a note to give to him.”

“What’d it say?”

“T-That I’m g-gonna climb i-into his w-window at n-night.”  Evan felt a bit creepy revealing his plan to Jared, but he knew it was something Connor would do.

“Wow! The things you’ll do for love, Hansen. Why tonight? Why not right after school?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment.” Evan raised his cast. He was so excited to finally get rid of this heavy burden and to allow the reminders of his darker moments to be erased.

The rest of the day dragged on and Evan kept catching himself tracing Connor’s name on his cast. He wondered if he would have let go if he was friends with Connor, could Connor have stopped him? Probably not, but it was nice imagining Connor as his knight in shining armor

* * *

 

The rest of the day dragged on and Evan kept catching himself tracing Connor’s name on his cast. He wondered if he would have let go if he was friends with Connor, could Connor have stopped him? Probably not, but it was nice imagining Connor as his knight in shining armor.

When the time on his clock finally matched the time on the note, Evan ventured out of his house. His mom had a night shift again so he didn’t have to fear being questioned as he made his way out the door. As he got into his car he noticed how much easier it was to hold the steering wheel without his cast. His heart had hurt a little bit as he watched the doctor through Connor’s name away but he was just excited to see him later that night. 

Evan had never been inside Connor’s house but thankfully he remembered how to get there from the night at the park. Pulling up he noticed how abandoned the house felt. All the lights were out and the driveway was empty. Standing on Connor’s lawn he realized, he didn’t know which room was Connor’s.  _ Shit.  _ After a moment of panic, the rightmost window illuminated, signaling the someone had turned on the light, Evan had to squint but he also noticed that the same window was now open. Connor.

He quickly traipsed across the lawn to the side of the house where, just like any other rich house, a large white trellises rested. The green leaves wrapped around the lattice made the house really appear to be beautiful and Evan prayed it would be able to hold his weight. It took a few minutes for Evan to find his footing but he eventually was able to reach the small roof that hung in front of the windows. The bedroom light was still on and now Evan could see into the room he assumed was Connor’s. The walls were a dark blue with a few posters Evan didn’t recognized. As he crawled closer he was able to peer his head in, the first thing he noticed was the figure sitting at the desk.

“I didn’t think you were serious,” the voice Evan felt like he was forgetting rang through his ears. Connor stood up from his desk as Evan almost landed on his head swan diving through the small opening. “Are you alright? How’d you even climb up with your ca-” As he spoke Evan, who was face down on a pillow and feet still stuck on the window, raised his now naked arm. “Oh yea, that was today?”

“Could you help me?” Evan ignored Connor’s question as he slid himself across the floor finally letting his feet lip through. Connor laughed and grabbed Evan’s torso pulling him to his feet. They stood in the same position, face to face, smiling, Evan could feel Connor’s breath on his nose. “Hi,” Evan almost whispered.

“Hi, “ Connor backed up. Evan’s eyes were still on Connor’s face that was now in the light and he almost passed out. Under Connor’s left eye was a giant purple bruise, it didn’t cover his whole eye, but it still looked like it hurt. Connor must have noticed Evan’s ajar mouth and placed his fingers lightly on the bruise. 

“W-What happened?” Evan asked moving closer, putting his fingers next to Connor’s. 

“Fucking Larry.” He huffed in anger, Connor turned making Evan’s fingers drop, and looked in the mirror. “He’s not homophobic per say, he’s just, Connor-phobic.” he laughed at his own joke, “I know he’s not homophobic because my cousin is gayer than I am and he loves him! But, yesterday I, uh, I,” Connor stopped and looked at Evan in the mirror, Evan quirked his eyebrow in response and Connor sighed, “ I brought up you, and he was just a dick, you know! He started asking if you were a faggot and shit,” He slammed his hand onto the table. “I got so mad I started yelling and then the argument grew into more than you, everything he hated about me just spilled out and I kept screaming at him.” Evan’s heart hurt, he had gotten this black eye because of him, he approached Connor and put his hand on his shoulder. In a shocking turn of events Connor’s hand moved up to rest on Evan’s fingers. “I feel awful about it though, at one point I looked at Zoe, and she looked horrified. I definitely deserve this stupid black eye, I broke my mom’s plate, by accident! I guess my dad thought I was trying to throw it at him so he decked me. I mean, it’s fair, self defense, but I really wasn’t trying to hurt him. One second I was standing and yelling, then I was on the ground with pea’s being held to my face. I had a pretty gnarly bloody nose too, my dad’s got big ass hands.”

Evan could believe Connor was joking about this, but everyone has ways to cope. Connor’s voice had begun to get shaky so Evan spun his friend around and pulled him into a tight hug. Connor stayed limp but he had really enjoyed the compassionate touch.

“You d-don’t have to tell me anymore, I g-get it.” Evan really didn’t get it, but he couldn’t bear hearing Connor explain it anymore. “I’m glad Z-Zoe got you m-my letter.”

“Yea, it gave me a chance to apologize too, so thanks.” Connor mumbled into Evan’s shoulder. “Um, today’s Friday, I don’t think my dad’s coming home, he didn’t last night. He usually dips when we fight, claiming he has work in the office, but who knows if that’s the truth, and i think my mom is too scared to check in on me, plus she works on Saturday. Anyway what I’m saying is, would you like to sleep over?” Evan’s brain froze over.

“Y-Yea, of c-course. I d-don’t have anything.”

“I’ll give you something, you can sleep in my bed.” Before Evan could protest Connor had disappeared into his walk in closet and returned with an oversized sweatshirt and flannel pants. “ You can change in there,” he gestured towards the shut door that Evan didn’t noticed or assumed was another closet, but upon opening it he realized it was a bathroom. Wow, the Murphy’s really were rich. 

The two had stayed up and talked for an hour or so but Connor eventually rolled off the bed onto the floor. Another hour passed in silence, they both knew the other was awake but neither knew what to say. Evan rolled towards the wall hoping that would help him fall asleep. But, eventually he heard commotion from the floor and then footsteps moving towards him. Evan was touching the wall so there was enough room for Connor to slip in. Evan rolled onto his back to question Connor, but shut up when the taller boy shimmed down to rest his head on Evan’s chest.

“Uh, C-Con-” Evan whispered.

“Shush, we’re just two buddies having a cuddle.” He pleaded settling more into Evan’s side. Evan looked at his friend and his eyes were shut, so Evan followed suit. 

Just two buddies having a cuddle, that’s all. Nothing to even think about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one time i got pulled through a window and i scorpioned and it really fucked up my legs. I had the most nasty bruises ever.  
> I also had to stare at a photo of Ben Platt and Mike Faist together to see which part of Ben's face lined up with Mike's mouth; i'm p sure it'd be his nose????


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a fun day

When the light finally forced Evan to wake up the house was just as silent as he had entered. In the mornings at the Hansen household (when Heidi is home) there’s always sounds of busy noise to wake Evan up, but in this house, it was silent even with Zoe down the hall. Evan groaned at the sun shining in through the open window but immediately felt his face heat up when he became aware of the arm around his waist. Sometime during the night (once Evan finally dropped the nerves of having a sleeping Connor on his chest and fell asleep), he had rolled over, so now that he was facing his friend. Connor’s forehead was touching Evan’s chin and the arm that wasn’t wrapped around his waist was pressed open handed onto Evan’s chest. He could vomit at how cute Connor was, he wasn’t going to though, that would probably kill the moment. Evan almost didn’t even realize his own gay actions, his left hand was resting on the side of  Connor’s thigh. Scared of accidentally touching Connor’s ass he moved his hand away this action seemed to wake the sleeping boy.

“Sorry,” two teenage boys had been cuddling all night and that’s the first thing the one who initiated said cuddling spoke, Evan’s head was spinning.

“W-Why are you sorry?”

“I like forced you to cuddle with me. That’s kind of a creepy thing to do so I apologize.” he sounded annoyed as he swung his feet over the bed and sat up. Evan grabbed his wrist causing him to look back at him over his shoulder.

“N-No, you were really u-upset, I just wanted to make y-you feel better. Honestly, you could have t-told me to punch myself in the f-face and I probably would have.”

“Would you still if I asked you right now?” Connor smirked as Evan’s face light up again but also smiled.

“No way,” Connor put his hand over Evan’s to remove his hand from his wrist. Now standing on two feet he raises his arms to stretch and let out a loud yawn. While his arms were in the air his shirt rose up just enough to expose his midriff, Evan was staring with a flushed face. “What are you looking at?” Connor asked Evan bringing his arms back to his sides.

“Uh, n-nothing,” Evan let out a small laugh praying that kill how awkward he felt. Connor just shrugged and slinked into his closet.

“Do you have somewhere to be today?” He peaked his head out the curtained door.

“N-No, my mom is basically w-working all weekend, so I’m a-alone.” Evan sat up pushing the blankets off of him.

“You have me,” Connor’s sincere voice erupted from the closet, “Let’s do something fun today!” He was back in the main part of the bedroom in an entirely new outfit, gleaming. Evan was pulled to his feet and handed a group of clothes. “Here are some clothes I think would look good on you, I mean you could go home and then I could pick you up, or we don’t even have to do anything.” He was rambling and Evan was swooning. He could not believe that he was exchanging body heat with this beautiful man all night. He looked at the clothes in his hands, a pair of jeans that looked too short for Connor’s spider legs, a gray sweatshirt that Evan planned on ‘forgetting’ to return, a pair of generic underwear, and socks.

some clothes I think would look good on you, I mean you could go home and then I could pick you up, or we don’t even have to do anything.” He was rambling and Evan was swooning. He could not believe that he was exchanging body heat with this beautiful man all night. He looked at the clothes in his hands, a pair of jeans that looked too short for Connor’s spider legs, a gray sweatshirt that Evan planned on ‘forgetting’ to return, a pair of generic underwear, and socks.

“T-This is fine, g-great actually, thank you. I’ll be right back,” Evan’s face was so red he couldn’t bring himself to look at Connor as he scurried into his bathroom.

After quickly disregarding his slept in clothes he flicked off the bathroom light and began mentally preparing himself for the day ahead of him. Evan expected Connor to be standing by the window or door ready to leave, but when Evan left the bathroom he was lounging on the bed, one leg straight out and the other slightly bent, resting against the wall, his stomach was exposed again making Evan’s own tighten. Upon closer inspection he realized, his eyes were closed and his breathing was smooth. He had falling back to sleep! Evan swore he was only in the bathroom for a few minutes, Connor really must have been tired. Against Evan’s better judgment he found himself scooting in next to him, he shimmied as close to his friend as he thought he could without waking him. Evan didn’t sleep though, he simply laid and stared at his crushes face, heart pounding the whole time. He’d wake Connor in a few minutes.

* * *

 

 

Time had passed but it was still relatively early when Connor and Evan left Connor’s room. He claimed no one was home in the Murphy house, Evan was amazed, his house was so big and beautiful he wished he could stay here forever.

“We should take your car, but you have to let me drive to keep it a surprise,” Connor smirked picking up an apple from the food bowl, he offered one to Evan but he declined, feeling too anxious to eat. Evan agreed to let Connor drive and just like that they were off.

The drive wasn’t necessarily long and Connor’s aggressive singing and dance moves made it way more enjoyable. Evan was happy to see that Connor seemed better, but every time he saw the now yellowish bruise under his eye made his heart twist.

“Okay we’re here.” Connor said making a sharp turn into a parking lot. Evan didn’t recognize the building but by the seals and dolphins painted on the side he could assume it was an aquarium. Connor sported the biggest smile Evan had ever seen as he jumped out of the car into the empty parking lot.

“T-This place looks closed?” Evan followed but slower.

“It is, it opens at 12,” Evan looked at his phone, it was 10:30, “but I used to work here, so you know, I have connections.”  
“You worked at an aquarium,” Evan had to stifle giggles trying to imagine Connor in a light blue baseball cap, smiling at customers but rolling his eyes as soon as they’d pass.

“Hey! I really like the animals, okay.” Connor groaned and reached to interlock his fingers with Evan’s in an attempt to make him walk faster. Or that’s what Evan assumed, but as they stood at the door and Connor fidgeted with the keys, he never let go of the other’s hand.

The aquarium was just a few big rooms with glass walls from floor to ceiling and a multitude of fish or other cool sea animals were swimming freely, or as freely as they could get. Connor walked Evan to each exhibit explaining what the animal was and throwing in a few stories of his working days.

“W-Why’d you quit? You s-seemed to really like it,” Evan finally asked while Connor enticed a seal with his fingers.

“Oh, uh, I got too depressed and angry at life. I couldn’t work anymore, it was really hard, this was the only thing that really made me happy for some time and you know my broken brain ruined it.” Connor made the seal follow his finger as he talked.

“Your b-brain isn’t broken, you just n-need help.” Evan dropped Connor’s hand.

“And I’m not going to get that help, Ev, I’ll just struggle my whole life and then die, forgotten and alone.” Connor laughed but Evan’s face grimaced. He couldn’t even imagine his life without Connor now and the fact that he was still so sad made Evan gain the confidence he needed to do what he’s wanted since the first time they really talked.

Connor was facing Evan but still looking at the seal, Evan’s sweaty hands tightened around his sweatshirt and he prayed he wasn’t about to regret his action. He quickly grabbed Connor’s face and pulled him down to push a quick kiss to his mouth, barely giving Connor anytime to react before he pulled away.

“I’m s-sorry,” Evan pulled away in a panic, bracing himself for the horrors he was about to endure.

“No, no,” Connor said in a reassuring voice, as he placed his sweater covered hands on Evan’s face and pulled him into a deeper kiss.

Still kissing, they had shifted a bit, resulting in Evan being pushed against the glass and bonking his head. Both boys laughed and Connor apologized as they went back to kissing, smiles plastered to their pressed together lips as they slowly opened their mouths and closed them. Evan’s hand rested on Connor’s chest and Connor grabbed Evan’s waist.

When they finally broke apart, they were both flushed and smiling. Evan was still pinned to the glass as Connor was smiling down at him. He could have stayed there forever but Connor’s phone began to ring and echo throughout the empty room.

“What,” he groaned backing up from Evan. The voice on the other line was hard to pin point but Evan knew they sounded angry. “I’m out, yes with Evan, no, I don’t want to talk to that ass, why he punches me and I’m supposed to apologize, Zoe, I know I got mad but I didn’t make him punch me, fuck you, sorry, yea, okay, I’m only doing this so when you’re rich and famous you’ll give me some of that fortune. Okay, I’ll be home soon.” Connor put his phone back in his pocket and re-pinned Evan to the wall retreating his mouth back to his new found favorite place, “sorry, I have to go, Zoe wants me to talk to my Dad.” Connor mumbled against Evan’s lips before pulling away from good.

Evan remained still, so shocked with the events that just took place. He was so happy, his insides were buzzing, he thought he liked cuddling with Connor, little did he know that kissing Connor would be even better. Connor began walking out of the room and Evan sadly followed.

Evan had to drive back to Connor’s house. This time the drive was more mellow, Evan couldn’t determine if it was because of the kiss or the fact that Connor was about to speak to the man that knocked him on his ass a day ago.

“I’ll see you,” Connor smiled once they pulled into his driveway, it was no longer empty, one nice, expensive looking car was parked next to Evan’s. As Evan was looking at the car he assumed belonged to Larry Murphy, Connor tapped Evan’s jaw making him turn his head and they shared one more kiss. This one was lighter and more gentle, it was a goodbye kiss, perfect in every way. “And I’ll be sure to do that next time I see you too.” Connor ran out of the car and into the house with a shit eating grin on his face.

Evan’s hands shook the entire ride home, when he finally parked in front of his mailbox he dropped his head onto the steering wheel and let out a loud groan. God, he was so gay, or bi, or whatever at this point he only knew he liked Connor, and that’s all that really mattered. Dropping his head a bit more he accidentally hit the horn causing him to leap up in fear.

He was an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the kiss scene is basically the first kiss scene from please like me hahah I really like that kiss it's my fav so I'll recreate it with my boys. okay okay, bye


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan receives an invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have three more chapters planned after this one, so cherish these chapter while you can   
> but not this chapter cause it's just a filler whoops

That Wednesday marked the first day of winter break, Evan had received a text from Connor on Monday claiming he’d be gone for the first few days to visit his aunt upstate. Even though Evan was going to miss him he was relieved to have a few days to sort out his head. Connor has yet to address the kiss and Evan was worried he would see them as a mistake. Evan did make the first move so maybe he just returned them out of kindness, that doesn’t really sound like Connor, but this whole thing really doesn’t sound like Connor. The first day of winter break Evan had spent with his mom because she was going to be busy for the following week (even Christmas) so that was their one day together. On the second Evan’s phone buzzed and he expecting it to be Connor;

**ThecoolestJARED: hey man, ur mom home?**

_ EvHan: no _

**ThecoolestJARED: sick I’m coming over**

Evan quickly changed out of his pj’s and ran to unlock the first door. Just as he was opening the door he could see his friend walking up the lawn. Jared waltz through the door with a huge smile on his face and to Evan’s surprised Jared’s arms were wrapped around him. 

“J-Jared, why are you h-hugging me?” Evan squeezed out with the little air he was receiving.

“Because I love my friend!” he yelled right into Evan’s ear. Eventually, he released him and they sat on the couch, Evan offered to play a video game and Jared happily obliged. “Are you alright, dude? You haven’t really said much and you’re sucking at this game.” 

“Oh, uh, n-no I’m fine.” Evan lied, his brain was whirling about Connor, of course. He had so many feeling he’s never felt before and all he really wanted to do was kiss Connor until his mouth fell off. 

“Okay,” Jared dragged out, “How’s Connor?” Evan knew it was probably just an innocent question but it made Evan feel sick. How was Connor? Evan wished he would just text him. 

“H-He’s, uh, he’s g-great.”

“Did you finally get in his pants. Loverboy.” 

“Uh,”

“Oh my god, you did didn’t you!” Jared’s eyes looked like they were ready to pop out of his head as he paused the game to look at Evan.

“No! W-Well, some g-gay things have been happening, I g-guess,” Evan blushed and looked away. 

“You gotta tell me, man.” Jared’s heart was throbbing with jealousy but he knew that his friend had really liked this boy so he has no place standing in the way.

“On F-Friday, I climbed through his w-window and I spent the night, there was a lot of cuddling.” Jared couldn’t believe that hot topic loving Connor, liked cuddling. “A-And then the next day we went to the a-aquarium, and we k-kissed a few times.” Evan’s heart buzzed at the memory.

“Wow, that’s great, right? You’ve finally got a boyfriend, why are you stressed?” 

“We never said anything about being b-boyfriends, I’m afraid he doesn’t really l-like me.” Evan fidgeted with his sweaty hands and tried to shove himself into the arm of the couch. 

“How could he not like you?” Jared gasped, “Every time we’re all together he looks like he’s going to pass out whenever he looks at you, he’s always blushing and  _ giggling  _ at whatever you say. You somehow can make the scariest kid in school giggle! He really does like you, for once you need to try and swallow your fears and tell Connor you like him.” 

Jared was right, but it was so hard to just talk to Connor about it. He was going to do it, he swore to himself, when Connor came home he was going to be his boyfriend.

“W-What about my mom?” The only other thing on Evan’s mind was his mom. He loved her so much and would never want to hurt her by being gay. 

“She loves you, Evan. You could be a mass murder and she’d still say, ‘ _ That’s my boy.’ _ ” Jared chimed in a high pitch voice that made Evan laugh. 

“I g-guess you’re r-right.”

“Plus, you guys aren’t even official boyfriends, yet, you have nothing to worry about.” Jared relaxed back into the couch and pick up the controller again, “Now can you stop being bad and help me win.” Evan nodded and unpaused the game. 

* * *

 

The next few days of the break were spent just like that, sitting with Jared and playing video games. Connor had dropped a few odd texts here and there, but the day after Christmas, Evan received a text.

**CCMurph: hey imy**

**CCMurph: i’m also home finally**

**CCMurph: also, my parents want to invite you over for a dinner**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was short and shitty but the final chapters will be better (with a small amount of angst)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a dinner party

Evan stared at his phone in disbelief. He had never met Connor’s parents, but he’s heard  _ stories _ about Larry. Also, did they know him and Connor had kissed or was this a friend dinner? Everything in Evan’s brain screamed to deny the invitation, but he couldn’t disappoint Connor. 

_ EvHan: yea sure :-) imy2 _

**CCMurph: sick, come over at 5 we can hang out afterward too**

5 o’clock, okay, Evan could do that. Evan looked at his phone and the time already read 3:30. Evan hopped off the couch and ran to his room to change out of the green pajamas his mother bought him for Christmas. He knew the Murphy’s had money, did that mean he had to dress like he had money as well? Evan stood staring into his closet for almost twenty minutes until he found a nice blue button down and some plain khakis that didn’t make him look too dressed up but also not too casual. He took a deep breath as he examined himself in the mirror. 

_ EvHan sent a photo _

_ EvHan: does this look alright?  _

**CCMurph: u look stunning**

**CCMurph: my parents will be shocked that such a sophisticated man would want to be my friend ;-)**

Friend, alright. Evan knew they hadn’t officially gotten into a relationship, but it still hurt to be referred to as his friend. Evan shook off the upset feeling and laid on the couch to try to calm down for the remaining 30 minutes.  

Evan knocked on his friend’s door with sweaty hands. He had expected a totally underwhelmed, red eyed Connor to answer the door, but he was greeted by a smiling woman with a tray of cookies in her hands. 

“You must be, Evan, so lovely to meet you. Here have a cookie.” She shoved the tray in his face as he slowly grabbed a cookie and followed her into the house. “Connor will be down in just a moment, but for now please sit.” She referenced to the couch that sat in front of a blank flat screen. 

“You have a b-beautiful home, Mrs. M-Murphy.” Evan tried to quiet his stutter but a few slipped out. 

“Aw thank you, sweetie. Where do you live, around here?” 

“Uh, yea, I l-live on S-Sherwood street around the block.” Evan wasn’t necessarily embarrassed by where he lives, but compared to the Murphy’s he might as well live in a shoe box. 

“Oh,” the look on Mrs. Murphy’s face made Evan want to slink into his shell, “What’re you parents like? Are they involved with the school? I frequently work with the PTA and help Zoe’s Jazz band.” The smile returned to her face. 

“My m-mom works on call at the hospital and t-takes classes whenever she’s not working, so she’s usually really b-busy.” 

“And your father?” There’s the dreaded question, Evan’s face flushed and his eyes began zipping around the room as he twisted his fingers. 

“H-He’s not a-around.” 

“Gosh, your mom is a single mother! No wonder she works so much, I’m sorry Evan. I do hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable.” Mrs. Murphy was really nice and if Evan wasn’t freaking out he may have been enjoying talking to her. “Now let’s talk about the man of the hour,” she leaned in and lowered her voice as if she was telling a secret, “how’d you and my Connor become friends?”

“W-We got assigned to do a project t-together, and it kinda just bloomed from there. You did a g-great job raising him, and you d-daughter! Z-Zoe is really sweet too.” Evan gave her a shaky smile. 

“Thank you, Ev-” a booming voice from the top of the stairs cut her off.

“Mom, can you please stop interrogating my only friend.” Connor pushed his hood off his head and quickly ran down the steps. “Hey, Ev,” he smiled at Evan, “Mother, let’s begin dinner shall we.” Connor sounds sickly sweet as he ushered his mom off the couch. Evan stood to follow but Connor grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “I’m so sorry, why didn’t you text me? Please ignore whatever she said to you.”

“It’s okay C-Con, she’s really s-sweet.” Evan got out of Connor’s grasp and smiled following his mom to the kitchen. 

“So, Mr. Murphy is running a little late.” She huffed putting down her phone, “But that’s alright, Connor could you get your sister?” Connor nodded, “Evan, dear, help me set the table.” Evan obeyed her as he listened to Connor’s footsteps up the stairs. As Evan placed the plates out Mrs. Murphy put a hand on Evan’s wrist. “I’m sure you’ve heard stories about Mr. Murphy, but, I love my son,  _ we  _ love our son. It’s just both Connor and his dad have some anger issues, please understand, they don’t fight the way they do because of Connor’s sexuality, it’s more his personality. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable when Mr. Murphy shows up sweetie, we can see how much happier Connor’s been since you two have started hanging out, he didn’t curse at his Grandmother once during Christmas. There’s not enough I can do to thank you, Evan.” Her hand moved to the top of his shoulder and then moved away completely as the Murphy siblings trotted downstairs.  

When Connor saw the flushed and nervous look on Evan’s face he cocked his eyebrow, but Evan just ignored him and sat at the table.

“Hello, Evan.” Zoe smiled in an apologetic way as she sat on the opposite side of the table from Evan, and now Connor who sat right next to Evan. “Mom, where’s dad?”

“He should be here in a few minutes, but he insisted we should start eating right away.” 

The four people in the room sat at the table and quietly began eating, some polite words about passing food were shared but that was it, Evan believed (and prayed) that Mrs. Murphy had gotten everything she wanted out of Evan from their earlier talk. 

When Mr. Murphy arrived home Evan had suspected the table to grow chattier but defying all odds it got quieter. 

“Honey, this is Connor’s friend, Evan.” Mr. Murphy gave me a side glance for a moment then gave me a less warm greeting. 

Occasionally Evan would feel Connor’s knee but his knee and he would smile. That was his reminder of why he was doing this. He would walk to the end of the world for Connor.

* * *

 

“T-Thank you, Mrs. Murphy, I really a-appreciate it.” Evan said placing his dish in the sink. 

“Aw, sweetie, our home is your home.” Before Evan could thank her again a hand tugged him to the stairs. 

Connor, without a word, dragged Evan into his room and slammed the door. 

“I’m sorry that was so weird.” Connor fell onto his bed and groaned.

“I r-really like your mom.” Connor scoffed. 

“She was only being nice because she doesn’t want to scare away my only friend,”

“I’m sure that’s n-not true, she seemed to care about y-you a lot.” Evan sat on the foot of Connor’s bed and stared at the adjacent wall. 

“Whatever let’s just talk about something else.” When Evan looked over at Connor his eyes were shut. 

“I kissed you,” Evan said so quietly he could barely hear it himself.

“What did you say?”

“I k-kissed you,” he forced out, voice almost cracking.

“And I kissed you.” Connor sat up to meet eyes with the nervous boy, he put his hand on Evan’s resting on, “I like you, Evan, I’ve liked you for a really long time, probably even before the biology project. Hence the awkward memes and being super nice to the scum that is Jared Kleinman.” Evan looked up to try and see if Connor was lying when he looked into Connor’s eyes, they were soft and sincere. Evan couldn’t believe his crush liked him.

“I l-like you, too. B-But I don’t want to cause more problems between you and your d-dad.” Evan looked away again trying to face the reality of the situation. Evan’s breathing picked up and he pulled his hand from Connor’s to twist his sweaty fingers. 

“Evan, calm down.” 

“I c-can’t, oh my god Connor, I want to be with y-you, and not worry about you getting b-beat up by your dad.” Evan rambled on more but his words were falling on deaf ears as Connor moved even closer and pulled Evan’s mouth to his mouth. The kiss was soft and short but proved a point. 

“You just have to give me some more time, Ev, I promise, we’ll be together and you’ll have no worries. Just let me work some things out.” Connor kissed the shaking boy again, this kiss was longer and deeper, but proved the same point of Connor’s feelings for the boy. They talked some more, but they also kissed some more. 

That night Evan went home smiling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a lot of stuff happens in this chapter yeet  
> also i read the last line of this like the line from the song Natasha and Pierre from the great comet, it's one of my favs


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> manhunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter :-)

Just when Evan thought everything was finally going to get better, Connor disappears. The first few days after the dinner at the Murphy’s Connor would text Evan every day just keeping him updated on his feelings or such, but three days before new year’s Evan realized he hadn’t received a text from his almost lover in quite some time. He tried not to work himself up too much but he noticed how fast he jumped to his phone when he heard it buzz.

To his dismay, the messages haven’t been from Connor rather his friend, who he hasn’t seen as much as he wished, two old, one new.

**ThecoolestJARED: Evening milady**

**ThecoolestJARED: or morning rather**

An hour later

**ThecoolestJARED: heh hem. I am speaking to you,     thot**

Evan rolled his eyes at his friends meme-ery but ignored it and typed out a response.

_EvHan: do you have Zoe’s number?_

Evan had finally given up on trying to text the male Murphy sibling so he knew it couldn’t hurt to text Zoe, but he lacks her phone number, which complicated this process.

**ThecoolestJARED: I thought u were fucking connor???? Why would u want her number**

**ThecoolestJARED: I don’t btw**

_EvHan: Connor has disappeared again, I’m trying to stay calm this time_

**ThecoolestJARED: wow you should get that boy a leash**

**ThecoolestJARED: I have Alana’s number tho???? She definitely has Zoe’s**

Jared then sent a ten digit number, he imagined belonged to Alana, then told Evan he had to go do family stuff and left him on read. Evan quickly sent the girl a quick text asking if he could have Zoe’s number then plugged his phone into the charger and nimbly walked down the stairs to put something in his uneasy stomach.

Evan almost turned to walk back up the stairs when he saw his mother reading a magazine at the kitchen table, unfortunately, the old floorboard squeaked underneath him triggering his mother to look up at him.

“I’m so glad you’re up Evan, I made you some waffles and I feared I wouldn’t be able to give them to you in person.” She stood up and reached for a plate on the counter.

“You could have just w-woke me up,” he stated sitting down at the long wooden table next to where his mom once sat.

“No way! Growing boys need their sleep,” Evan rolled his eyes, “Have a waffle.” She shoved one into his face and he happily began devouring the still warm breakfast.

He thought he had fooled her, he thought he was acting perfectly normal, he prayed she wouldn’t notice the way he would just stop eating for a second and stare off for maybe a bit too long with a painful grimace on his face, but that wasn’t the case.

“Hey Ev,” she put her hand on the arm that was shoveling waffles into her son’s mouth, “is everything alright? You seem a bit off.”

Evan couldn’t speak, he really wanted to tell her about Connor, he always told her everything, but this was different due to the fact that Evan himself still wasn’t sure what was really happening between him and Connor. He also had no idea how his mom would react to him having feelings towards another boy. His mom was in no way homophobic and would love and cherish her son no matter what, Evan just feared that he’d make everything awkward between the tiny family.

“Oh, i-it’s nothing,” Evan tried to shrug off her question, but Heidi wasn’t giving up this fight.

“Something really seems to be bothering you, sweetie, you know you can tell me anything.” Evan sighed and proposed a plan to try and tell her what was happening without giving her the main details.

“I guess it has something to do with the p-person I l-like.” Evan looked anywhere other than her direction and shifted his hands.

“Connor?” She said without the slightest bit of hesitation in her voice. Evan’s plan had failed before it had even really started, he stared up at her with amazed eyes, how on Earth did she know. “Oh Evan, come on, you can’t tell me you’re surprised that I know, he’s kind of the only person you hang out with if you haven’t noticed. So unless you’ve been sneaking out to hang out with someone other than that tall glass of water, it’s him you like, which is fine!”

“D-Did you just call him a t-tall glass of water?” Evan laughed a bit, feeling less tense than he imagined he would feel.

“Hey! I think we can both agree that that boy is _cute_ ," Evan face flushed, “Now tell me my sweet child, what’s happening?”

Evan begins to explain to his mom the ambiguity that is their relationship (excluding the kissing cause she didn’t need to know) but Evan felt the nerves building in his throat as he explained how Connor had just disappeared again.

“L-Last time he did this, h-he was going to k-kill himself,” he didn’t plan on tell his mom of Connor’s depression but during his schpeel it had slipped out.

“Evan, that’s awful, you said you texted his sister?” She was leaning in close, the way mom’s do to try and comfort their distressed, gay children.

“Uh, I texted her friend for her n-number, I haven’t seen if she’s a-answered, I’ve been d-down here.” His mom gasped.

“Sweetie! Go look!”

Evan did as his mom had instructed and scurried up the stairs hoping to see Alana’s name on his screen, but he didn’t. Instead he saw an unknown contact had texted him, he soon realized it was Zoe when he saw the username.

**ZoeM: Hey Evan, Alana said you needed to text me? I assume it has something to do with Connor?**

_EvHan: yea, I haven’t heard from him in a few days and I just want to make sure he’s alright :-)_

Evan added the smiley face to try and cut the awkwardness of the situation.

**ZoeM: tbh, i haven’t really seen him since Tuesday, there wasn’t a fight or anything I just assumed he was with you**

“Tuesday! Today’s Friday, how could she be fine with not seeing her brother since Tuesday?” Evan mumbled in distress under his breath.

_EvHan: no, he texted me Wednesday tho saying his day was fine??_

_EvHan: do you have any idea where he could be?_

**ZoeM: Okay well now I’m a bit worried**

**ZoeM: I really don’t know, I’m sorry Evan, you’ve probably grown closer to him in these past few months than anyone ever has**

**ZoeM: I suggest going somewhere you know he liked and just waiting around?**

Evan groaned at her vague solution and already started thinking about where he could be when his phone buzzed again.

**ZoeM: He really likes you, Evan. Like as creepy as it sounds but I know so much about you just from him, you’re the only thing he talks about, could you two just get together so he shuts up, it’s getting kind of annoying :-) lol jk**

**ZoeM: seriously tho…**

Evan smiled feeling a bit better and got out of his bed.

There was only one place he could think Connor would be, the aquarium, there was no way he was staying over there, but he always says that’s his happy place. Evan told his mom where he was going and then was off his hands shaking the entire ride.

If Connor was there Evan promised himself that they would leave being boyfriends. The idea of Connor being his boyfriend warms the smaller boys heart.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to make Zoe's username  
> dontZOthere  
> but it doesn't really fit her personality in this fic so yikes  
> next chapters the last yeet yeet


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is found in more than one way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sweet just like this whole story

Evan had gotten to the aquarium around 10 o’clock, hoping to catch Connor before it officially opened to the public, but as the minutes passed by Evan felt like he had been outside the blue building for years. Just for safety measures Evan had texted Connor where he’d be. 

Just as he was about to throw in the towel and go look somewhere else for Connor a car pulled into the deserted parking lot. A car Evan recognized as Connor’s, a smile filled his face, but then he remembered he was supposed to be mad. He watched as his friend slowly slinked out of the car, Evan sped walked across the parking lot and wrapped his arms around the tall boy.

“O-Okay, now l-let me be mad at you,” he unwrapped his arms and his voice shook. Connor said nothing but his face expressed for him to continue, “W-What is wrong with y-you? That sounds m-mean, but you deserve it! Y-You scared me and your s-sister,” he knew this was only true in some parts but Connor didn’t need to know that at the moment. “We were all w-worried about you, I thought you may have,” Evan’s voice cut out, “you know,” he was quiet and stared at the equally quiet boy towering over him. “F-Fuck Connor, I thought you k-killed yourself. Which would have w-wrecked me cause I l-like you and I don’t think I could live without y-you. Now this sounds c-creepy, oh god.” Evan saw Connor laughing out of the corner of his eyes, “If you want to be my boyfriend you need to stop disappearing!” Words he never thought he said had just escaped his mouth without a stutter and Connor’s eyes were just as wides as Evan’s.

“ _ Boyfriend? _ ” He teased, his voice was raspy as if he had just cried for an hour after smoking three packs of cigarettes. He did not sound good but Evan would just ignore it for the time being. Connor picked up the panic on Evan’s face and smiled, “I’m sorry, I told myself to just text you where I was but I really couldn’t deal with you being compassionate and cute. I just wanted to be by myself for a day or two.”

“W-Why couldn’t you just tell me that?” Evan hissed, in the nicest way he could, but still hissed. Connor didn’t look taken aback by Evan’s anger.

“I asked you to give me sometime, that was my time. I sat in my car, smoked a lot of weed and cigarettes,” Evan was able to guess this much by his scent, “I sat and thought for two days. I’ve decided that I like you too much to let my dad stop me from having my first real relationship. I’ll take you if you’ll have me.” Connor grabbed Evan’s hands and looked at him.

Evan leaned in to place a small, open eyed kiss on Connor’s lips. He knew he felt the same way towards Connor, but the idea of his dad hating Evan for making his son even more gay made him feel sick. He couldn’t imagine causing the Murphy family anymore turmoil they’ve already endured. Zoe would hate him, Mrs. Murphy would hate him.

“C-Con, I d-don’t know, all I really want to do is p-pin you to this car and call you mine, but I don’t know if I c-can do that to your f-family.” Evan tugged his hands away from Connor’s.

What was he doing? This is all he’s wanted for such a long time and he’s rejecting his love just for a few people's feelings? Why did Evan have to be weary of others?

“Oh my god, Evan, look at me,” Connor grabbed the anxious boys face and forced him to look into his eyes, “I really love how much you care for the well being of my family, but you did not turn me gay, I’ve been out to my parents for years. They knew I would get a boyfriend one day, hell, they're probably so glad if it’s going to be you, Zoe likes you, my mom couldn’t stop saying how sweet you are the other day, and even though he didn’t say anything directly to you my dad knows you’re a good influence on me. So please, just get over your worries, kiss me and be my boyfriend.” Connor gave Evan the smallest and most encouraging smile that made Evan feel like he could sink into the earth below him. 

Evan wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist and turned his head so their lips would blend as smoothly as two could. Evan could feel Connor smiling into the kiss and that made him smile as well.

“Okay, yeah, you’re right Connor,” Evan said without opening his eyes and still millimeters away from Connor’s lips. 

“Boyfriends?” Connor kissed him.

“Yes boyfriends.” Evan returned his kiss. 

Connor claimed that his car was running out of gas and asked Evan to drive him home, Evan did it with no complaints. 

As he held the steering wheel with one hand and holding his boyfriend's hand with the other, he realized that for the first time in his whole life, his hands were dry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end :-)  
> Sorry if this is a bit shitty, I haven't written a fan fic in so long, and I didn't really dwell on the plot a lot.  
> I didn't want this to be super long due to school starting soon, so this is a fair length   
> also updating everyday is so hard wtf, but i did it, for like ten days or something give me some credit


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